Trader’s Narrative

This is floating around the internet:

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the US department of energy. I then took a shower in the clean water provided by the municipal water utility. After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC regulated channels to see what the national weather service of the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration determined the weather was going to be like using satellites designed, built, and launched by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. I watched this while eating my breakfast of US Department of Agriculture inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the Food and Drug Administration.

At the appropriate time as regulated by the US congress and kept accurate by the National Institute of Standards and Technology and the US naval observatory, I get into my National Highway Traffic Safety Administration approved automobile and set out to work on the roads build by the local, state, and federal Departments of Transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the Environmental Protection Agency, using legal tender issued by the Federal Reserve Bank. On the way out the door I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the US Postal Service and drop the kids off at the public school.

After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the Department of Labor and the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, enjoying another two meals which again do not kill me because of the USDA, I drive my NHTSA car back home on the DOT roads, to my house which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and fire marshal’s inspection, and which has not been plundered of all it’s valuables thanks to the local police department.

I then log on to the internet which was developed by the Defense Advanced Research Projects administration and post on freerepublic.com and Fox News forums about how socialism in medicine is bad because the government can’t do anything right.

Here are my own thoughts on this important matter:

WAKE UP AMERICA !! You are about to be plunged into socialized medicine - otherwise known as universal health care. This Marxist/Lennonist/Maoist ideology has ruined countless countries. For example, here’s a list of countries in which its citizens do not go bankrupt if they or their loved ones get sick:

Canada, Chile, Argentina, Brazil, Mexico, Peru, Panama, Uruguay, Trinidad & Tobago, Venezuela, Costa Rica, India, Israel, Singapore, Taiwan, Japan, Thailand, Finland, Germany, England, Austria, Belgium, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Bulgaria, Croatia, the Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, France, Georgia, Germany, Greece, Hungary, Iceland, Ireland, Italy, Latvia, Liechtenstein, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Malta, the Netherlands, Norway, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Russia, Serbia, Slovakia, Slovenia, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, Ukraine, Australia, and New Zealand.

That list reads like a horrific nightmare!

Who would ever imagine even visiting those hellish places? Never mind actually living there full time?

The United States is the only wealthy, industrialized nation that does not have a universal health care system. So let’s keep it that way! The US spends the highest per capita for health care costs and has the worst coverage and results. Obviously, you can not argue with success.

The best way to maintain that stellar status quo is to allow the debate to be framed and owned by the insurance companies and HMO’s which obviously only have your best interest in mind and have by some mysterious method been able to suppress the profit seeking motive which would cause them to have a conflict of interest between next month’s quarterly earnings and your grandmother’s hip replacement operation.

Just like your tenacity in saying no to the evil, soul sucking (albeit scientifically advanced and intuitive) metric system and sticking by the imperial system - along with the other two holdouts: Liberia & Myanmar - you will continue to be at the vanguard of human achievement by saying no to socialized health care. U. S. A !! U. S. A. !!

In light of everything going on, lets have some chuckles:

Think you can do better?

Come up with a funnier caption for the above picture and win this trading T-Shirt:

Carpenters do it with big wood. Doctors do it while you turn your head and cough. Teachers do it with yard sticks. Lawyers do it in front of a jury of their peers. Traders do it….

Drop your wit in the comments below. No kiddin’.

Make sure to leave your correct email so I can get in touch with you for mailing and size info.

If you haven’t seen the Batman sequel (or prequel… I lose track of these things), the Dark Knight… this won’t make much sense. But then again, that would only apply to 3 people on earth, at most.

For more serious news about the financial bailout, the economy and other trading related links check out: news.tradersnarrative.com

This is a hilarious Alex cartoon about the many uses of quant jocks in investment banks:

A slightly better use of a quant jock’s talents would be to find correlating stocks. But what do I know?

For more, check out alexcartoon.com.

The sub-prime mortgage crisis continues unabated, taking down stocks, CEOs and anything else in its path. You would be forgiven to ask, what the heck is going on?

This short video from the UK provides a concise explanation: